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Vampires Suck
Vampires Suck is a 2010 American vampire spoof film based on the Twilight film series3 and directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. It stars Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Christopher N. Riggi, Ken Jeong, and Anneliese van der Pol. Plot Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to Sporks to live with her clueless father, Sheriff Frank (Diedrich Bader), after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods. Meanwhile killings have been happening to random people and the number one suspects are Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney Kardashian . Becca is quickly befriended by many students at her new high school, but she is intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), who perplexes her during their time in the biology class. Later, Becca is nearly struck by a van in the school parking lot. Edward inexplicably moves from several feet away and stops the vehicle with a student without any harm to himself or Becca, the student being badly injured. He later refuses to explain this act to Becca and warns her against befriending him. After much research, but reaching the wrong conclusion that he is a Jonas Brother, Edward corrects her saying he's a vampire, though he only consumes animal blood and shows her the shiny bling he wears under his clothes. The pair fall in love but Edward denies having sex with her and instead introduces Becca to his vampire family on her birthday. While unwrapping a gift, Becca gets a paper cut, causing Edward's family to relapse by her blood's scent and attempt to kill her. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to Becca, Edward ends their relationship while saving her from the one of the three nomadic vampires who have been killing humans, Jack (Charlie Weber), knocking his head off with a baseball bat. Edward's departure leaves Becca heartbroken and depressed for months as she discovers that thrill-seeking activities evoke Edward's preserved image. She is also comforted by her deepening friendship with Jacob White (Christopher N. Riggi), the cheerful childhood friend who eases her pain over losing Edward. But due to his strange puberty, Becca discovers he has become a Chihuahua as his "pack" arrive to maul another of the nomadic vampires. Edward has moved to Brazil and is now dating Lady Gaga but through a series of miscommunications, Edward believes Becca has killed herself and attempts to provoke the "Zolturi" — a powerful vampire coven capable of killing him — by standing naked in the sunlight at the site of the school prom. Becca rushes to the prom in a Porsche Carrera to save Edward. Upon arrival, she is slowed down during the warring factions of Edward fangirls and Jacob fangirls. She is unable to make it in time as Edward exposes himself, figuratively and literally. However, an eclipse starts and thus concealing Edward's vampire nature as Becca gets him to safety. However after a fight between him and the Zolturi leader, Daro (Ken Jeong), Edward is forced to make Becca into a vampire so their lives would be spared. He does so after Becca agrees to marry him if he makes her a vampire and his wife. The movie concludes with Edward taking a blow to the head by the head Jacob fangirl (though surviving the blow), who ends up being attacked by the vampirized Becca.5 Category:Movies Category:Twilight